A friend in ministry called me for counseling many years ago. He was frustrated because he found himself in opposition with his wife on many issues. He said, “we have different plans”. It seems like all the major plans for our future are at a stand still. We have different directions we want to go in as a family which cause disagreements. He asked, “what should I do”?

Have you been in a similar situation with your spouse, family member, or close friend?

Imagine sitting in a circle in a dark room accompanied by your spouse and all the adults in your family. In the middle of the room is a single die, a cube with 6 numbers. If everyone in the room was asked, what number do you see, do you think everyone would give the same answer? No. Based on where they are sitting in the room in relation to the cube dictates what they see. This is an illustration of our perspective. For many people in the room with the dice it is difficult to see someone else’s perspective when we so obviously see our own. Until we realize that we are looking at dice with many sides we will be locked into a singular position that may damage our relationship with God, our spouse, family, and friends.

In the bible Joshua 5:13-14 was an encounter that put this idea into perspective for me. Just to give a little context, Joshua succeeded Moses as the leader of Israel. He was God’s representative on earth. God honored Joshua and performed many miracles through him to benefit the people of Israel. At this time they were camped outside of Jericho, the biggest obstacle between them and the promised land. One day Joshua looked up and saw a man with a sword drawn. He approached him and asked are you for us or against us? Neither, but as captain of the host of the Lord I have now come. Joshua bowed and began to worship saying, what do you say to your servant.

At that moment Joshua realized that there are not just two sides, us versus them. Like in the room with the dice Joshua became fixated on his own perspective. It can be easy to lose sight of God, or caring for others when we believe we are right. Concerning the things of God we have to commit doing God’s will God’s way.

Maybe in your relationship you are in agreement concerning the major issues like faith, loving your kids, wanting a good future but still having conflict in other areas.

If we are not flexible within our marriage we may have to choose between being right in our own perspective or being alone. If we win all the time it makes the person we are in a relationship with a loser. Who wants to be a loser? Every disagreement is not a sin issue, sometimes it’s just a preference.

Imagine if you could both commit to outdoing each other in love the way the other person wanted to receive it. No judgement, just working to make sure their love tank was full and that you both felt loved, respected, and secure in your relationship.

Instead we fall victim to our own desires and are unwilling to make the necessary changes. The #1 reason for conflict in relationships are unmet expectations. This is a result of letting our own perspective go unchecked and having the anger and frustration of not getting what we want.

When we look at our spouse, family, and friends we often see our unmet expectations in them. We forget to see them as a person and focus on the things we want that they are not providing for us. Yes we are individuals and have needs, but don’t forget we naturally tend to be pretty selfish.

Selfishness is like body odor; it stinks. It is easy to identify it with other people. The problem is we like our own scent, and we don’t even notice how the smell affects others.

In James chapter 4, we don’t have to dig deep to understand where quarrels come from.

As believers we have to fight for what God wants for our relationship. If he is truly our Lord His desires should be our desires.

Submitting our desires to Him helps us focus on God’s plan instead of our own.

If so, just beginning to focus on what his plan for your marriage is will shift your mindset and move you toward having a God centered marriage.

Remember the gentleman that contacted me for counseling I mentioned earlier? I asked him one question. What is God’s plan for your marriage? The question floored him. He was shocked, he never thought about God having a plan specifically for his marriage. The question itself was the answer he was looking for because he realized that he and his wife had their own plans which were separate from God’s plan for their marriage.

I have had the chance to follow up with the couple and things are going well.

Is there an area in your life where you think your perspective is causing problems with those around you?

If you are not sure here is a good test to see if you may need further reflection in this area.

If you have recently thought the following.

1.   Apologize to your spouse, family members, or friends if your perspective has caused trouble or difficulty in your relationship.

2.   If you focus on always winning you will make your spouse feel like a LOSER.

3.   Commit to outdo each other in love the way they receive it.

1. Pray with your spouse for God to reveal his plan for your marriage. You can use the following scriptures as a reference:

1 Peter 3:1-7

Ephesians 5:21-33

Colossians 3:18-21

2. Here is some extra credit: “ Husbands Role in Marriage/ Spiritual Leadership” The beat by allan parr

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sw5764VmAJk

3. FP SURVEY DAY 4 - CLICK HERE